33 Reasons and a Son Ain’t One

  This past Sunday, Miranda and I went to a baptism.  At one point during the ceremony, they had to undress the baby boy (yes, it was a baptism for just one kid) and get him ready for a swim in the holy water. 

As they undressed him, the congregation was exposed to his, well, umm, private parts.  And as he lied there naked, I starting thanking my lucky stars that I had given Miranda’s X chromosome another X chromosome with which to create Anna.

Later that day, as I sat at the post-baptism soirée enjoying a nice Merlot, I started thinking about all the other reasons I am super-excited to have a daughter and not a son.  I came up with 33 reasons.

Here they are (in no particular order):

Reason #1 - I won’t have to shell out absurd amounts of money for PS3 or Wii.

Reason #2 - A daughter will be less likely to join the military.

Reason #3 - I like pink more than I like blue.

Reason #4 - Since Hilary isn’t going to win in 2008, there’s still a chance I’ll be the father of the first female President of the United States.

Reason #5 - Seeing her dressed up for prom.

Reason #6 - With another female in the house, there’s more stuff in the shower that smells good, which in turn means I am guaranteed to smell like a fruit basket.

Reason #7 - I can finally put my hair braiding skills to use.

Reason #8 - I get out of the “where do babies come from” talk, since she’ll go to her mother for that one.

Reason #9 - There is a greater chance I’ll get an invite to the Playboy Mansion, since there’s NO chance my son will pose for the magazine.

Reason #10 - Girls who like sports are way cooler than dudes who like sports.

Reason #11 - Intimidating boys who come to pick her up for dates.

Reason #12 - When I get caught listening to a boy band, I can blame it on her.

Reason #13 - I’ll finally have an excuse to see a Broadway play.

Reason #14 - With another woman in my life, I have more resources to utilize in my quest to understand women.

Reason #15 - Girl outfits, especially for babies, are way cuter than boy outfits.

Reason #16 - There’s no chance of getting any, umm private parts, caught in a zipper.

Reason #17 - She’ll be less likely than a boy to look like Winston Churchill when she’s born.

Reason #18 - Giving her away.

Reason #19 - Is there anything cuter than a little girl in pigtails?

Reason #20 - I’ll finally have an excuse to buy a pony.

Reason #21 - I won’t have to help her with college-level high school courses in subjects I don’t understand, since there’s hardly any chance she’ll be studying math or the physical sciences.

Reason #22 - I’d rather have a “Daddy’s Little Girl” than a “Mama’s Boy”.

Reason #23 - Both the Wife’s and my family are all boys.  This girl is going to be spoiled rotten - on someone else’s dime.

Reason #24 - I finally get my mom off my back for giving her what she wants.

Reason #25 - I can leave her at church without worrying.

Reason #26 - I’ll never have trouble getting a ticket to a game if she turns pro.  And speaking of sports…

Reason #27 - If she makes it to the WNBA and I somehow find myself at a game, I’ll be on television for sure, since no one else will be in the stands.  And still speaking of sports…

Reason #28 - There’s less of a chance she’ll forgo an education to pursue athletics.

Reason #29 - Tea parties.

Reason #30 - Explaining to her why boys aren’t yucky.  And speaking of boys…

Reason #31 - Giving her the cudies shot when she doesn’t believe me.

Reason #32 - Hearing someone say, “You have such an amazing daughter.” 

To which I can reply with the 33^rd - and really the ONLY reason - I am excited about having a girl…”Thanks.  She’s just like her mother!”