Letter of Recommendation

 I’m always on the lookout for recommendations for new restaurants, funny movies, great places to get a few pints, and new activities that would be fun for the whole family.  Recently, for example, someone suggested that Miranda and I take Anna to the Queens Zoo.  I never knew there was a Queens Zoo but we went and Anna loved it.

The flip-side of getting recommendations is that I am always happy to give one (only if asked, though.)  I know some great New York City restaurants that you won’t find in Zagat’s and because Miranda is the world’s most active person, if you need suggestions on ways to spend a Saturday afternoon, well, I’m your guy.

When it comes to recommendations — be it giving or receiving — I have one steadfast rule.  Never recommend something that requires a lot of time, energy, and money.  For example, if someone asks for a local restaurant, I’m not likely to send them to Le Cirque.  Or if someone wants a fun way to spend a few hours seeing some sites, I’m not going to suggest a trek along the Appalachian Trail.

My theory on what to recommend, however, is apparently not a widely-held believe, especially among celebrities who have adopted 587 kids and starred in films like “Twelve Monkeys,” “Ocean’s 11,” and “Seven.”

I know this to be the case because in a recent interview in which he was asked about fatherhood, Brad Pitt said, “I love it and can’t recommend it any more highly – although sleep is nonexistent.”

You’re probably thinking, “great, here comes another useless rant about how much he hates when celebrities chime in about parenting.”

Nope.  Not this time.

Okay, maybe a little.  Maybe it’s not as stupid a comment as Barry Goldwater saying, “Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice; moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue” but come on.  Any parent knows that parenting isn’t something you recommend people try.

Although, I suppose if you’re kids are under warranty or something then yeah, give it a whirl and if you’re not entirely satisfied after thirty days, just exchange the little buggers for a full refund or a different model.

Look, I’ve been a father for six months as of tomorrow.  They’ve been the happiest six months of my life.  But as happy as I am, I’m undersexed and overtired.  I find myself worrying more than I ever have before about stupid stuff like when is Anna’s bald spot going away and when she’s three-years-old, will I have to take her into the men’s restroom at a restaurant?  Moreover, it seems like everywhere I go, I hear my kid’s cry,  I’ve seen poop actually come out of another human being, and while it was my fault for not changing, too many of my dress shirts have been used as bibs. 

It may sound like I’m complaining.  I’m not.

I’m simply stating that parenting isn’t something that I would ever recommend to anyone because every parenting experience is different because every kid is different.  Our best friends’ kid is a holy terror.  Our other friends have a kid who doesn’t do anything.  He doesn’t smile, laugh, cry.  Nothing.  My perception of fatherhood would be vastly different if I were father to either of our friends’ kids.

You see, I can’t recommend being a parent to anyone because I don’t know all there is to know about parenting.  No one does.  Not me.  Not you.  Not Brad Pitt.  Not Dr. Phil.  No one! 

And it is truly my belief that in order to recommend something to someone, you have to know, as definitely as possible, what the experience will be like for that other person.  If you want a pizza parlor recommendation from me and I say “Rosa’s is the way to go,” it’s because I have dined there enough times to know what the pizza tastes like.  I know what sort of experience, in terms of tastes, you will get.  I don’t know what anyone else will get in terms of parenting.

If I were ever asked “would you recommend being a parent” I’m not quite sure how I would respond.  I would probably say that it’s the greatest experience of my life but that my experience as a dad won’t be like anyone else’s because they don’t have a kid or wife like mine.

I know, I know.  I should let stupid comments by people like Brad Pitt and Jason Priestly go in one ear and right out the other.  But I can’t. 

I can’t let it go because to me it really is irresponsible to make a comment like “I couldn’t recommend (fatherhood) anymore highly.”  Not only does it make it sound easy to be a dad – although if you’re Brad Pitt, I’m sure all the help you have makes it easier – but it also makes fatherhood sound like a posh restaurant. 

Sure, most of the time it is like eating at Daniel’s but every now and again it’s about as delicious as White Castle.

Although I doubt Brad Pitt has ever had a slider.