Vacation Rules!

Hi Everyone — Sorry I’ve been MIA.  I do appreciate the emails and comments and what not.  I will get back to everyone ASAP.  Trust me, I’m really flattered when people email and comment.  I’m so not that snooty blogger who is too cool to write back.    The reason I’ve been MIA is that Miranda, Anna and I are actually on vacation in Florida through the Labor Day weekend.  Having a chance to sit and write as been limited.

We’re here for my mom’s 50th birthday celebration.  Yes, she was 22 when she had me.  What’s weird about that is I feel really young for a dad (I’ll be 28 on October 12th — shameless birthday plug, I know!), so I couldn’t imagine having a kid at the age of 22.  But she’s a great mom — even though she hijacked my birthday month (her real birthday is in September). 

Anyway, I’ll be back in full swing as of next Tuesday.

Have a great Columbus Day Weekend…

A Change is Gonna Come

This morning was huge.  Anna stood up!  Granted, it was the help of her crib but all the same, standing is standing, especially when you’re six months old. 

As I rode the train into work this morning, beaming with joy and pride, I kept thinking to myself – ‘where does the time go.’  And time does fly by.  It seems like just yesterday when Anna was born.  It’s been six-and-a-half freaking months! 

It also seems like just yesterday when I learned that my life would be forever changed – in the best way possible.  So in between thinking about Anna’s inevitable first step and then how it will be like no time before we’re dropping her off at college, I thought about the day that Miranda and I found out Miranda was pregnant.

Here’s how it went…

(Editor’s note: This story was originally written in June, 2006)One of the things I love most about golfing early is that I still have the entire day and on this particular Saturday, I had a dive bar crawl with some friends from work. By finishing at 9:45ish, I would have time to go home, eat my post-round Dunkin Donuts and coffee, take a nap, shower (maybe?), and head out to the city for an afternoon and night of drinking. Clearly, life was good.

While driving home, I called Miranda, who’d been having some serious stomach cramps for the past two weeks. What’s odd about this is that Miranda’s stomach cramps only show up about 5 days to a week before her period. These cramps were unusually bad and lasted an unusually long time.

Let’s clear three things up. First, we’ve been trying to have a baby for only two months. Well, that’s not the whole truth. She went off the pill about 5 months ago, but we haven’t concentrated on conceiving but for the past two months. I’ll discuss this later, but for guys out there who will try to have a baby, it ain’t all fun and games. It’s a lot of work and from time-to-time, you don’t want to have sex. You’d rather turn on porn or go to bed or watch a NBA Finals game from 1976. Second, when Miranda has her cramps, she gets gassy. But over the past two weeks, she’s been worse than I have – after a Chalupa or two. Third, Miranda took a test a few days ago and there was a faint line. It was there, but nothing we could confirm or go too far as to say anything to anyone.

So, with those things on the table, I stopped by Duane Reade after Dunkin Donuts and picked up an EPT (Error Proof Test). And what a bargain – buy one, get one free. I love a deal.
When I got home, I made Miranda march right into the bathroom and drop trow. She came out and set the timer for 2 minutes. She read the instructions on the box while I watched the seconds on the timer click away.Let me tell ya something, fellas – This is the looooooooooooongest wait of your life. And it’s especially long when you know there’s a chance that your wife could really be pregnant.
The timer went off. I wish I could describe my emotions with a word other than anxiety, but that’s about all that fits. We walked to the bathroom together, opened the door and looked at the test. And there it was, staring back at us. A pregnancy test that was showing up positive.

Miranda shrieked. We hugged. She ran to call her best friend and as I heard in the background, “Marcella, guess what…” I just kept thinking ‘holy shit, my guys work.’Thirty minutes later, I made Miranda take another test. Obviously, I wouldn’t have much to write if it were negative. In fact, it came up positive immediately. Faster than the greens at Augusta. That’s fast.

I called my mom. The conversation went like this:
Mom: Hello?
Me: Grandma?
Mom: Hello?
Me: Hi, Grandma.
Mom: Daniel?
Me: Hi.
Mom: This is your mom.
Me (frustrated that she wasn’t getting it): I know, Grandma Daryl.
Mom: What?
Me (confused by her confusion): Huh?
Mom: OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Me: Here, talk to Miranda.

As you’ve probably guessed, she was super excited. I mean, she asked us about when we were having just minutes after we’d been married. In fact, she asked us while we were walking down the aisle after saying our vows. So, I was glad I could make her day a good one.

When Miranda and I got off the phone with my mom, my grandma, etc., we sat on the couch, sort of just looking back at forth between the first test, the second test, and each other.

The giddiness was setting in when the phone rang. It was Marcella – Miranda’s best friend – to remind Miranda to get to the doctor for an official test ASAP. Oh boy. I’d never been so excited about calling a doctor’s office.

Miranda called her PCP, but his office isn’t opened on the weekend. Seemed to me like that’s something she should have known, but apparently pointing out that was not the thing to do at this time. ‘Wow,’ I though, ‘mood swings already! Good for her.’

She called a few other places that weren’t open because of the fourth of July weekend. The ones that were open didn’t take her insurance. I was getting a little annoyed so I called a doctor’s office that was listed as a) having weekend and holiday hours and b) takes Miranda’s insurance. Here’s what transpired:

Secretary: Good morning. Doctor’s office.
Me: Umm, hi. So, my wife just took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.
Secretary: Oh?!? Congratulations.
Me: Hey, thanks. I was wondering if we could come in and see a doctor, get the proper blood work, and all that jazz.
Secretary: That would be a good idea.
Me: So, can we come in now or make an appointment for later?
Secretary: Sure thing, if you want to get your baby’s teeth cleaned?
Me: Huh?
Secretary: This is a dental office?
Me: A dental office?
Secretary and Miranda: (Laughing at me).
Me: Oh, well have a nice weekend.
Secretary (choking back the laughter): You too.
Miranda: You called a dentist’s office?
Me (sheepishly): Yes.

Miranda continued to laugh and when I left later that day for my bar crawl (with her expressed, written permission, of course) she was still chuckling. As I got on the subway and headed into the city, I laughed at the situation, too, but I was smiling for much bigger reasons…I’d just found out I was going to be a dad!

The Inflatable Duck Debacle

It seems like just yesterday when I could plop Anna on her playmat and go about my business without having to keep an eye on her.  Nowadays, though, being the big crawler and sitter-upper that she is, I can’t do that anymore.  Who knew that babies are so much work? 

Although, it is worth mentioning that she’s still not entirely comfortable sitting up so she goes from this:

To this:

She obviously finds it funny, too.

Anyway, despite not being able to go into the kitchen for a cookie without being stalked by an adorable crawler, the fact that she is developing so quickly is a great thing.  I love coming home everyday to learn about her latest accomplishment.

Last night was a big one.  Because she is such a big girl, I was informed by Miranda that Anna has graduated from the lie-down bath tub to the inflatable ducky tub. 

Two quick notes on this.  First, when Miranda pulled the ducky tub out of the closet, it was already inflated.  How is it possible that I hadn’t notice a huge, inflated ducky tub in a closet I use everyday?  Second, as Miranda drew the bath, I couldn’t help but think of the scene in “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure,” where the fat guy who Pee Wee thinks stole his bike is bathing in a swimming pool.  That’s how big this inflatable duck tub is.

Anyway, words can’t really describe how cute this was, so here’s a pictorial telling of Anna’s first attempt at bathing in an inflatable duck:

Here we are, testing it out sans water and fully clothed.  So far so good.

At this point in her old bath tub she’s normally all smiles.  Something’s not right.

And here it comes…her best Chris Crocker impersonation:

She clearly did not find bathing in the inflatable duck tub as fun as she finds falling over from a sitting up position.

I guess this just proves that Fergie’s wrong – big girls do, in fact, cry!

Although a scary incident in the a big inflatable ducky tub can always be made better with the help of a nice fluffy towel and playtime with mom and dad.

33 Reasons and a Son Ain’t One

  This past Sunday, Miranda and I went to a baptism.  At one point during the ceremony, they had to undress the baby boy (yes, it was a baptism for just one kid) and get him ready for a swim in the holy water. 

As they undressed him, the congregation was exposed to his, well, umm, private parts.  And as he lied there naked, I starting thanking my lucky stars that I had given Miranda’s X chromosome another X chromosome with which to create Anna.

Later that day, as I sat at the post-baptism soirée enjoying a nice Merlot, I started thinking about all the other reasons I am super-excited to have a daughter and not a son.  I came up with 33 reasons.

Here they are (in no particular order):

Reason #1 – I won’t have to shell out absurd amounts of money for PS3 or Wii.

Reason #2 – A daughter will be less likely to join the military.

Reason #3 – I like pink more than I like blue.

Reason #4 – Since Hilary isn’t going to win in 2008, there’s still a chance I’ll be the father of the first female President of the United States.

Reason #5 – Seeing her dressed up for prom.

Reason #6 – With another female in the house, there’s more stuff in the shower that smells good, which in turn means I am guaranteed to smell like a fruit basket.

Reason #7 – I can finally put my hair braiding skills to use.

Reason #8 – I get out of the “where do babies come from” talk, since she’ll go to her mother for that one.

Reason #9 – There is a greater chance I’ll get an invite to the Playboy Mansion, since there’s NO chance my son will pose for the magazine.

Reason #10 – Girls who like sports are way cooler than dudes who like sports.

Reason #11 – Intimidating boys who come to pick her up for dates.

Reason #12 – When I get caught listening to a boy band, I can blame it on her.

Reason #13 – I’ll finally have an excuse to see a Broadway play.

Reason #14 – With another woman in my life, I have more resources to utilize in my quest to understand women.

Reason #15 – Girl outfits, especially for babies, are way cuter than boy outfits.

Reason #16 – There’s no chance of getting any, umm private parts, caught in a zipper.

Reason #17 – She’ll be less likely than a boy to look like Winston Churchill when she’s born.

Reason #18 – Giving her away.

Reason #19 – Is there anything cuter than a little girl in pigtails?

Reason #20 – I’ll finally have an excuse to buy a pony.

Reason #21 – I won’t have to help her with college-level high school courses in subjects I don’t understand, since there’s hardly any chance she’ll be studying math or the physical sciences.

Reason #22 – I’d rather have a “Daddy’s Little Girl” than a “Mama’s Boy”.

Reason #23 – Both the Wife’s and my family are all boys.  This girl is going to be spoiled rotten – on someone else’s dime.

Reason #24 – I finally get my mom off my back for giving her what she wants.

Reason #25 – I can leave her at church without worrying.

Reason #26 – I’ll never have trouble getting a ticket to a game if she turns pro.  And speaking of sports…

Reason #27 – If she makes it to the WNBA and I somehow find myself at a game, I’ll be on television for sure, since no one else will be in the stands.  And still speaking of sports…

Reason #28 – There’s less of a chance she’ll forgo an education to pursue athletics.

Reason #29 – Tea parties.

Reason #30 – Explaining to her why boys aren’t yucky.  And speaking of boys…

Reason #31 – Giving her the cudies shot when she doesn’t believe me.

Reason #32 – Hearing someone say, “You have such an amazing daughter.” 

To which I can reply with the 33^rd – and really the ONLY reason – I am excited about having a girl…”Thanks.  She’s just like her mother!”

War of the Words

It is amazing to think about some of the stupid things people have said since, well, I don’t know, the beginning of time.

Take, for example, Dubya’s recent announcement that “Mandela is dead.”  No, he wasn’t actually talking about Nelson Mandela the person so much as he was talking about Mandela-esque people, but still, he couldn’t have thought of a better way to phrase it?

Or what about Jessica Simpson’s infamous musing over whether she had chicken or tuna when she asked, “Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says Chicken, by the Sea?”

And we can’t forget Arnold “The Governator” Schwartzanegger’s proclamation that he thinks “gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”

Of course my personal favorite stupid statement of all time – Barry Goldwater’s claim that “extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice.”  I highly doubt that the men and women running his presidential campaign thought that letting the electorate know what a crazy, right-wing nut job he was would be an effective strategy.  But that’s just me.

I really started thinking about stupid things that people say when I overheard Miranda talking to Anna today.  It wasn’t that Miranda was saying something stupid (that job is usually reserved for your’s truly) as much as what she was trying to get Anna to say.

Miranda was trying to get Anna to say “Mommy” by saying the word to Anna over and over and over and over.   

After watching this for a few minutes, I let my presence be known and I asked Miranda what she doing.  It turns out that Miranda thought she heard Anna say something that sounded like “Dada.”

Part of me laughed at the whole notion of trying to coax Anna into saying something by repeating it over and over and over again.  I mean, she’s a kid, not a parrot, right?  But another part of me was, in all honesty, hurt.  Why would Miranda spend so much time trying to get Anna’s first word to be “Mommy” and not “Dada”?  Is that such a bad thing?

Then it hit me.  How many times have you been sitting around at a family function when you say some silly word only to have your mom and/or dad regale everyone with tales about how the word you just said was your first word?  Okay, maybe it doesn’t happen with great frequency but that’s not the point.

The point is that a baby’s first word is one of the most memorable events in the kid’s life.  Seriously, a baby’s first word is just one of those events you remember exactly where you were when it happened, what you were wearing, what the weather was like, and what song was on the radio.  I’m sure if I asked my mom to recall the most vivid memories of her life, she would first tell me where she was when she learned that JFK had been assassinated and then second on that list would be my first word (which, ironically, was “dada.”)

This whole incident was also beneficial insofar as it provided me with great insight into Miranda’s personality.  Who knew that she was super hypercompetive?  I didn’t. 

Moreover, what if Anna’s first word is “mommy?”  Doesn’t that give Miranda like the ultimate bragging rights for pretty much the rest of our lives?  Yeah, I think so, too.

This, of course, begs the question – how did Miranda’s attempting to get Anna’s first word to be “mommy” remind me of all the stupid things that famous people have said over the years?  Because I think Anna’s first word should be “mommy” and it would be downright foolish of her to blurt out “daddy” first.

Look, I consider myself a hand’s on dad.  I have a knack for getting her to stop crying when no one else can.  I can put her to sleep with much more ease than others (read Miranda.)  I give worldclass zirbirts.  But at the end of the day, I’m not her mom.

I’m not the person who carried her for nine months.  I’m not the person who gets up with her in the middle of the night to feed her.  (Sidebar – Yes, I did it once.  No, I have done it since.)  I’m not the one who spends most of the day with her, changing diapers, giving baths, taking walks and naps, and, for all intents and purposes, being the primary caregiver. 

Basically, what it boils down to is that Miranda’s earned the right to have Anna’s first word be “mommy.”  Or, if Anna’s first word isn’t “mommy” or “daddy” then Miranda deserves to have Anna say “mommy” before she says “daddy.”

It’s like the inaugural FedEx Cup in the PGA.  Why did Tiger Woods win?  Because he deserved to be.  He is the best player in the world and he proved that over and over again in the regular season and in the “playoffs.”  He didn’t even have to be at the first event (like Miranda isn’t there for every bath, feeding or naptime) to show everyone that he’s the best and deserved to win. 

I’ll openly and honestly admit – Miranda’s the number one parent.  She’s earned the bragging rights that come with Anna’s first word being “mommy.” 

At the end of the day, though, if her first word is “daddy” (or she says “daddy” before “mommy”) I think Miranda will be okay with it.  Why?  Because in ten, twenty, even thirty years from now, we’ll remember with great joy what her first word was. 

And no matter what it is, in the overall scheme of things, it won’t really matter because it will just be a word without any real meaning.

Too bad Barry Goldwater can’t say the same thing.

A Star is Born

For many reasons, but mostly boredom, I was perusing the VH1 website when I stumbled across their “100 Greatest” lists.  They pretty much have every entertainment category covered, including one of particular interest to me - 100 Greatest Kid Stars.

The top five child stars of all time, according to VH1 are:

5. Drew Barrymore
4. Jodie Foster
3. Olsen Twins
2. Macaulay Culkin
1. Gary Coleman

There are two things worth mentioning.  First, there are, technically, six people on this list, but I guess we can let that slide and count the Olsen Twins as a single unit.  Second, 80% of the top five child stars of all-time have had drug problems.  Only Jodie Foster hasn’t had a brush with the law because of drugs – or at least if she has, we don’t know about it.  Those aren’t good odds if you’re kids a child celebrity, that’s for sure.

This got me thinking about the amount of pressure those kids probably felt.  There was pressure from their agents, producers, fans, and friends.  I’m willing to wager, though, that the most pressure came from their parents.  In fact, all you need to do is have access to the internet and a NY Post to know that’s a pretty fact-filled statement.

Something else I know to be true is that it’s not just parents of child celebrities who put the pressure on thick.  Half of what I download on YouTube is clips of idiotic parents going ballistic at sports events.  Sure it’s high comedy, but it’s also tragic at Shakespearean levels.

I actually had a grandfather who put obscene amounts of pressure on me to excel in sports.  Every event, there he was in the stands, hooting and hollering about how much butt I was going to kick.  Talk about pressure.  If I didn’t win, he may have looked like a fool, but I felt like a loser.  And I wasn’t the only one with a parent like that.  Many of my friends in the band, in the acting club, on the football team, and even in the classroom felt pressure from their parents to excel at unreasonable levels.  I truly am surprised only two of my friends turned into coke heads in college. 

Surely, though, a laissez faire approach to parental pressure is equally bad and will, undoubtedly lead a kid to ask, “do my parents love me?”  Just as too much pressure can lead to the same question, as it did with me (I know I would have asked that if my grandmother – the Ying to my grandfather’s whacked out Yang – hadn’t vouched for him). 

So where’s the middle ground?  Is there one?  When does encouragement turn into domination?  When does relaxed become careless? 

I don’t know and I don’t think anyone else does either.  Why’s that?  Because every child is different is why.  I responded to my grandmother’s “give your best” approach where as my good friend Pedro (his real name was Pete, but he spoke fluent Spanish) responded to his father’s “you-have-to-be-the-best” approach.  Ironically, I had never seen a kid have so much respect and love for a father who was only slightly to the left of Pol Pot.  

All this, of course, begs the question – why do parents put all this pressure on their kids?  I know my grandfather was a mediocre high school athlete (where as I excelled) and Pedro’s dad didn’t even have a G.E.D., and guess what?  Pedro was 3^rd in our high school class and went to a little college in New Haven, Connecticut.  I would bet dollars to donuts that Pedro and I are not the only two people to have grandparents or parents try to live vicariously through us. 

Look, If my daughter has a hint of academic, musical, theatric, and/or athletic ability, I will try to foster that and encourage her to follow her dreams.  There exists the distinct possibility, however, that I will cross that line and put pressure on her to be the next Kelly Clarkson, Jennie Finch, or Marilyn von Savant. 

And while I’m not excusing it, I can only say that it would make sense if I cross that line since I never realized my goals of going pro in sports (thanks for a knee injury).  Seeing Anna do it – and being by her side the entire way – seems like the next best thing, right? 

I can only hope, though, that if I do cross that line, I will realize it before I’ve forced my child into a career for which only she’ll be remembered because of a cute catch phrase! 

You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, Willis? 

The Ugly Betty Complex

I’ll admit it – I love the show “Ugly Betty.”  I can’t explain why.  It’s just my guilty pleasure, I guess.  In the interest of full-disclosure, of all the shows I’m most excited to start watching again this fall, “Ugly Betty” is numero uno.

Of course, in thinking about the show’s season premiere in just eight freaking days, trying to recall all the happenings of last season, and contemplating how awesome it would be to have an assistant like Ms. Suarez, I realized something.

I’m spoiled rotten!

I cite as a major piece of evidence the fact that, perhaps coincidentally (although perhaps not), I was searching abc.com for info on the season premiere while Miranda was sorting through some recently washed baby outfits in preparation for the Autumn and Winter.  When she’d finished, she told me that we have 17 fall outfits for 6-9 months, 14 fall outfits for 9-12 months, 16 winter outfits for 6-9 months, and 11 winter outfits for 9-12 months.  We also have 7 blankets (2 of which are Mets blankets), 3 pairs of shoes, 9 pairs of socks, 4 hats, and…well, at that point I think I blacked out.

Now, one might ask, “Doesn’t that make your child spoiled?”  No, not all.  She didn’t ask for or buy any of this stuff – I did.  I went online to pick out the outfits I want my daughter dressed in; the Baby Gap and Babies-R-Us charges are on my credit card; and I fought for returning outfits that aren’t “cute” as per my standards. 

I couldn’t – and still can’t – help myself.  I still spend more time than I should looking online for adorable outfits that I can get for my daughter.  And as much as I loath the fact that my daughter has outfits that say “Single & Fabulous,” I am excited about how cute she’ll look in them with her little bonnet and booties! 

It’s like I’m possessed by the spirit of Marc and Amanda or somehow genetically linked to Wilhelmina.

Okay, maybe getting a bunch of outfits that I want for my baby isn’t the worse thing in the world, but there’s there are some potentially dangerous issues at work here. 

First, I am in complete denial that these outfits will a) be too small in no time at all and b) will become stained in a matter of hours after she’s put it on.  Having her dressed to the nines doesn’t mean much when she’d rather wear strained peas than a cute little onesie. 

Second, I think that if I am used to getting what I want for my child, I might be prone to expect that I’ll get what I want from my child.  That’s a slope with a lot of slip.

And third, if I don’t get out of the habit of demanding that my daughter be dressed in the cute outfits now, what’s going to happen when she’s older?  Will I create a fashion monster?  Will my being spoiled as a parent translate into her being spoiled as a kid?  What if she turns into a Plastic from “Mean Girls” or Miranda Priesty or, gasp, anyone who works for Mode Magazine (you know, other than Betty)?

Frankly, these are questions to which I don’t want answers.  Why not?  Because if my daughter does turn into a spoiled brat who cares only about the latest designs from Jimmy Chu, Louis Vuitton, and Versaci, then I have no one to blame but myself.

Right Down the Middle

 Anna had her six-month check-up today and there is good news – she’s normal. 

In fact, she’s not just normal, she’s average.  She weighed in at 16 pounds and 26 inches long.  These measurements put her smack dab in the 50^th percentile, where she also ranks in head size.

This is without a doubt a time when it’s okay to want your child to be normal.  Too big or too small, anywhere on the percentile scale that is not right down the middle (give or take), and problems could be aplenty. 

Outside of this scenario, though, when do parents want their kid to be normal? 

Not too often, I’m sure.

Here’s the thing, though.  I was raised to believe that I won’t always be the best in everything I do.  It’s simply not possible.  No one can excel at everything.  Think about it like this – could Einstein lead major league baseball in homeruns?  Probably not.  But could Alex Rodriguez (who currently leads the majors in homeruns) have done what Einstein did?  Again, probably not. 

This isn’t saying that Einstein wasn’t athletic or that Rodriguez isn’t smart.  I’m saying that everyone has certain talents.  No one can be good at everything.  Most people, as a matter of fact, are pretty damn average.

This, of course, raises some interesting questions.

What’s wrong with being in the 50^th percentile?  What if my child doesn’t excel at anything?  Will I be okay with that?

Nothing, oh well, and yes. 

I will not expect my child to be the best at everything.  I can’t.  It’s too much pressure for her and it will drive me to an early grave.  In fact, I won’t even expect my child to be the best at anything. 

What I will do, however, is expect my child to do her best.  If she gives her all at everything she does and the 50^th percentile is the best she can do, then I will be perfectly okay with this, of this I am sure.

It will be up to her, obviously, to actually try her best. 

It will be up to me, however, to teach her the importance of trying her best.

All of this talk of being normal and average reminds me of the scene in “The Incredibles,” during which Dash and Helen (Dash’s mom) have the following conversation about why he can’t, or shouldn’t, give his all to win a race:

Dash: You always say ‘Do your best’, but you don’t really mean it. Why can’t I do the best that I can do?
Helen: Because right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and fitting in means acting like everyone else.
Dash: But dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of, our powers made us special.
Helen: Everyone’s special Dash.
Dash: [muttering] Which is another way of saying no one is.    

All at once, I both disagree and agree with Dash.  He’s right insofar as he has every right to be upset about being told “do your best” without his parents meaning it.  He’s wrong, however, insofar as believing that because “everyone’s special” that “no one is” special.

How so?  Because even if my child is normal and average, living her life in the 50^th percentile, she will, I hope and pray, give her all.  And if she gives her all in everything she does, then everything she does and the person she is, is special.

All Grow’d Up

 While I have not yet seen any scientific evidence, I often wonder if there is a connection between a baby’s interests, toys, and favorite activities and what said baby eventually grows up to do for a living. 

As a kid, did OJ Simpson have an affinity for swiping his friends’ baseball cards?  During his pre-teen years, was Alberto Gonzalez tapping his friends’ Dixie cup phone lines?  During his youth, did Pauly Shore…well, I don’t want to think about what Pauly Shore did during his youth.

Anyway, thinking about this led me to pay close attention to Anna’s favorite activities, toys, and interests over the past week.  Based on what she likes to do, I have made a list of what I think she might grow up to be and why. 

Here are the ten most probable things she’ll be when she grows up:

1. Chef. She’s got tons and tons and tons of toys. Her favorite? A set of plastic measuring cups. There’s really no telling how she got her hands on them, but she refuses to let them go. They also appear to taste like something she enjoys to eat, since they’re always in her mouth.

2. Presidential historian. Her favorite books are presidential history books…favorite books to eat that is. Just recently, she dove right into to John Adams by David McCullough. She was some bread crumbs and melted mozzarella cheese away from making that an Adams parm sandwich. Hey, at least she’s got an early love of reading.

3. Food critic. While Anna does enjoy eating any and all inanimate objects, she is quite particular about which flavors and brands of rice cereal she gets. She seems to only like Gerber’s banana-flavored rice cereal. In fact, I am thoroughly convinced I saw her scoff when we offered her Pathmark brand, apple-flavored rice cereal.

4. Race car driver. Yesterday, I had a friend over to watch some NASCAR. Anna, who normally doesn’t like to watch television, sat up and refused to take her eyes off of the television. Seriously, she hardly ever does that. Not with the Jets, the Mets, or, thankfully, re-runs of “The King of Queens.” But there she was, yesterday, lying on the couch, not moving, staring at those cars going round and round and round and round. She was a Budweiser short of being a poster child for DEI Racing.

5. Disc Jockey. The first thing she figured out how to use on her exer-saucer was the record player. To this day, it’s her go to part of the exer-saucer. Oh yeah, and she LOVES to dance to it.

6. Jazz singer. Speaking of the exer-saucer, her favorite button to hit is the button that plays Jazz music. She also falls asleep in the car faster when John Coltrane or Miles Davis is on. It takes her longer with Metalicca or 50 Cent.

7. Composer/Classic musician. While Jazz is her thing in the car, she’s a big fan of classical music, particularly Vivaldi (that’s my influence), in the apartment. She hates lulla-byes at night but as soon as “Four Seasons” starts playing, she’s out like a light.

8. Snob. Sunday mornings, she loves to listen to “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” on NPR. She also loves to watch me do the NY Times crossword puzzle. I’m just saying…

9. Zoo keeper. Anna love animals – living or stuffed (and I don’t mean like the way a taxidermist stuffs them. Who is she, Norman Bates?). Seriously, if you thought cats liked to watch birds from windows, you should see my kid in action. And speaking of cats, she LOVES Baxter. Sadly, though, Baxter’s a bit intimidated and runs away. Although Anna did get a few pets in the other day and, unlike when I try to pet him, he purred. This, of course, is a good thing since explaining scratches on my body is a lot easier to do than explain scratches on hers. Oh yeah, and her favorite stuffed animals is a turtle.

And finally, when my little Anna is all grow’d up, no matter what she does for a living, I know the one thing she’ll always be is…

10. Daddy’s little girl.

Curious Dad Chats with Dr. Alice Wilder – Part III

 In Part III of the Curious Dad’s chat with Dr. Alice Wilder, Dan and Dr. Wilder talk about being sticky, educational DVD for babies, and Anna’s chances of becoming a Mets fan.

To read Part I of the email exchange, click here.  To read Part II, click here.  And to learn more about “Think It Ink It Publishing”, click here.

Daniel: I have to tell you, I was not in the least bit surprised to read that you agreed and disagreed with the do-your-best-don’t-have-to-be-the-best mantra and especially about the real-world applications as a way to overcome my inability to do better than a D+ in biology. I wasn’t really surprised because I think you were implying that education, be it for little kids, high school students (and maybe even adults?), has to be, dare I say it, “sticky.”

Dr. Wilder: Yes! Exactly, nicely said.

Daniel: This word, of course, was used by Malcolm Gladwell in his book The Tipping Point to describe kids’ educational programming, i.e. shows like “Blue’s Clues,” for which you were the Director of Research and Development and a Writer/Producer

Dr. Wilder: Yes. And after 155 weeks on the New York Times Paperback Best Seller list I think he is onto something that many people wish they could put their finger on!!

I think anyone who has read The Tipping Point and also knows about Think It Ink It Publishing will be able to deduce that Think It Ink It Publishing is, indeed, sticky. I would certainly argue that’s the case because it is about getting kids to develop a life-long (I suppose the ultimate definition of “sticky”) love of reading and writing and to be creative. And as I’ve said throughout this entire exchange, that’s such a powerful and important lesson to learn and creative spark to ignite.

Dr. Wilder: It is very insightful and nice of you to say…I will also explain below in answer to your questions why we think you are right about what makes Think It Ink It Publishing ‘sticky’. Aside from what I say below (and what I have mentioned in previous email exchanges), we think what makes Think It Ink It Publishing sticky is that it is based on a combination of our knowledge of kids, their strengths, their skills, what they like, designing the program based on feedback from them, and our respect of kids – wanting to give them a ‘real’ experience that values quality. Aside from knowing the educational side, my business partners know art, design, and illustrations and we only want to provide this experience if it can respect the quality that we know kids deserve.

Daniel: And to be honest, this actually ties into your comments about it “becoming about the parent” and not the kid. I think about all the stuff I do for Anna and sometimes I wonder, is it because I want her to be a good kid, fun, energetic, happy, loving, etc., or is it because I want to her to be valedictorian, get into Stanford (on a soccer scholarship, of course!) and then go to Yale Law School. I mean, what dad doesn’t want to wear a sweatshirt proclaiming that their kid went to Yale Law School?

I think I am on the road to recovery, though, thanks to the lines you used in your Skidmore speech. Very profound and at the same time applicable. A great combination — especially the comment about the personal mission statement because part of mine would be to guide Anna but let her live her own life.

Dr. Wilder: Very nice! She will greatly benefit from this statement. Don’t forget this one when she is a teen.  J I can remind you.

Daniel: That would be great.  Especially if it looks like I’m on the verge of having to wear a Harvard Law sweatshirt. 

Anyway, let’s go back to the whole sticky thing as a wrap-up to this great exchange. I’m sure you saw the University of Washington study about the impact (or lack thereof) of educational videos like “Baby Einstein.” They essentially said there was no effect (positive or negative) on a kid’s vocabulary skills, and that in some cases, viewing too much of these programs can be detrimental. In a fine rebuttal in the NY Times (a subscription is required to read the article) on August 16, Lisa Guernsey states that a kid has to watch massive amounts of TV to have the program, DVD, etc., be, for lack of a better word, harmful.

To be honest, I couldn’t agree more with Guernsey, especially with the I-just-need-a-break-for-a-few-minutes-so-watch-this-”educational”- program statements. Just today, for example, Anna was so tired but kept crying. I just needed a few minutes of quiet so I turned on “The Simpsons.” She was silent (except for a few giggles at Homer’s antics).

It’s too bad that” The Simpsons” and “SportsCenter” aren’t stick. Oh well.

Anyway, this all leads me to my final set of questions…

What impact did your work on “Blue’s Clues” have in the design and creation of “Think It Ink It Publishing?”

Dr. Wilder: Just like in my speech to parents and graduates at Skidmore – everything that I work on is a compilation of all of the experiences in my life. I would say this is true for the other creators of Think It Ink It Publishing as well. Fran, Michael and Dasha each has their own experience that when we were all brought together made this incredible product. Because of our cumulative experiences Think It Ink It Publishing is a good idea and educational concept as well as beautiful and professionally illustrated. We all created this to validate, entertain and empower children, while giving them practice that they really need with writing and reading skills.

As an example, in terms of my cumulative experience my ‘story’ created my mission statement and guides the work that I do – since high school, where I was not a good student at all (hence the desire to help kids), to conducting research in Psych Lab at Skidmore, to watching the movie Big and wanting to be the character Tom Hanks played, to my work in a toy store and at PBS, to getting my doctorate in Educational Psychology at Teachers College, Columbia, to working at Blue’s Clues and having the kind of impact that we had there – it all adds up.

I wrote my own mission statement, which is to create, develop, and research ‘products’ (loosely defined) for kids. The key for me is that the products I develop have to be educational AND entertaining, interesting, and relevant to their lives. This is a compilation of my experiences and this is why the first time I saw the Blue’s Clues pilot “I cried” and could not turn down the opportunity.

It’s all intertwined and I won’t work on anything that does not follow the above mission. Fran, Michael and Dasha all have their experiences and all of them combined (stars aligned) is Think It Ink It Publishing.

Daniel: Do you think “Think It Ink It Publishing” will be/can be the next big “sticky” educational tool?

Dr. Wilder: We think Think It Ink It Publishing will and can be the next big “sticky” educational tool for a variety of reasons.

A.)We think it is the perfect blend of education, empowerment, quality, and entertainment. It respects kids and knows kids.

B) Much writing consists of a teacher or parent asking a child to answer a question or come up with an idea and write (and sometimes draw about it).For many kids who struggle with writing, a blank piece of paper is intimidating. Having the illustrations that are rich with detail and possibilities provides a starting point that captures kids’ imagination and starts the creativity flowing. As Malcolm would say, it’s small (well founded and researched) changes to ideas that can make a big difference.

C) Technology, and what to do with technology in classrooms or at home is a hot topic for teachers and parents. People want to find ways to use technology more as kids need to be technologically savvy AT THE SAME TIME they want to use technology only if it is productive and educational (and will help fulfill the curriculum).We offer a way to use technology with a meaningful and educational purpose – that appeals to kids.

Daniel: In terms of educational programming and DVDs and the such, where do you see the line between too much and too little to gain value?  Moreover, what are your thoughts on the UW study? Do you agree with Lisa Guernsey?

Dr. Wilder: You are trying to push my buttons here, right?! J Just kidding. I have too much to say about all of this, so I will try to just pick out a few thoughts. Also it’s hard to describe my view because neither side is ‘right’. And my POV is different depending on the age of a child. Where do I stand?

Everything in moderation.

I agree that people who think TV is negative are the ones that we hear from the most. And most of the discussion is around how much time kids spend watching TV. Where what Lisa says, “I’ve learned that it helps to consider what I call the three C’s: content, context and the individual child.” is crucial to the argument. But who is making the decision? Who decides? What are their standards?

Too much time in front of the television is not good, for anyone. I understand that sanity is also an issue. And I do not believe that placing a child in front of the TV for short amounts of time will do harm. And the first rule of parenting is that the only way to care for your child is to be sure you are ok first. So yes, gather your sanity and then proceed. But we do not know the effects of television for children under 2 and I would personally not recommend it.

For older children (2, 3, 4, 5…), you will see as your daughter gets older that what she watches, the content, quality and messages of each show will greatly impact what you want her to watch (I hope).Behavioral Resonance is a real theory. What we watch impacts our mood and how we act and react after watching TV. Modeling-wise what we watch also impacts the types of activities that your child will want to do and the things that she says…they are sponges soaking up and absorbing whatever becomes a part of their experience.

I agree with Lisa on the above point as well as the following:

• “Parents who think about context make sure that videos don’t become a substitute for happy moments of interaction and play.”

• “Many studies, including the new one about baby videos, show that a daily dose of reading helps with language development.”

• “It doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to realize that babies need the social interaction that comes with reading – the pointing and labeling, the back-and-forth conversation. Children left alone to watch objects flashing on the TV screen aren’t getting that.”

• “Taking care of babies and toddlers is hard work. While videos aren’t a perfect answer, I can tell you that once in a while, they have kept an exhausted mother from going off the deep end.”

But not everyone has the skills, knowledge, where-with-all, partner or resources to follow through on the above statements. It is important that because turning on the TV is so easy and prevalent it does not mean that we do not need to be critical consumers of it and balance it with other things (it’s just that no one writes news stories about it like that – it has to be dramatic and controversial to make it news).

Daniel: So, be honest with me, Dr. Wilder.  Am I just totally wasting my time or is there any chance that watching Mets games with me will make Anna a Mets fan? Or will it hamper her vocabulary and drive her into the arms of the Evil Empire aka The Yankees?

Dr. Wilder: You may be joking but I have to say…watching Mets games with her will definitely make an impact on her long-term relationship with the Mets and baseball and Sports in general. This is sacred time for her – time for just her and her dad. Also as you know, the beliefs and interests of parents have a lasting impact on children. Early in life whoever is involved most in a child’s life is their center. In your case, it is her parents. Later it will likely also include her friends and other relatives (whoever is close to you).These caregivers teach through example and actions who they are, their values, their likes and dislikes…As you mentioned in our first exchange Steven Leavitt’s book  “Freakonomics” states the presence of books is a predictor of academic success. The presence of books means that you as a parent value them and this gets translated into who they become.

Sorry to get so serious about this but there are many kids for whom books are not part of their lives at all and for whom the TV is on 24 hours a day. These scenarios impact their livestock enough soapbox. I am sure you get where I am coming from…

Maybe she won’t be a Mets fan but it will definitely influence her. How – is up to you and her.

Daniel:  This has been so much fun, Dr. Wilder.  I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate for me to ask that the next time you get nominated for an award like a Daytime Emmy, I get to go with you to the award’s show? Or if I can’t go with you, will you at least get Susan Lucci’s autograph for me?

Dr. Wilder: Absolutely. You know, I actually was there the year she won her first Emmy! And she gets picked up in her Limo across the street from me I have seen her standing outside waiting. I’ll get it for you.  J